A Day In The Life Of An NFL Punter.

Vikings punter Chris Kluwe gives us a glimpse into the glamorous life of an NFL punter while attempting to figure out a way to invade Russia.

James LeBeauby James LeBeau

Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe may not be a name that jumps out at you, he is just a punter after all, but like a diamond can be found amidst a sea of coal, so too can an interesting kicker be found in professional sports.

Never one to shy away from letting his opinion known, Kluwe recently wrote a hilariously truthful letter to a Maryland politician in response to his muzzle order that the delegate sent to the Baltimore Ravens in regards to gay marriage. Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote directly to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti after finding out one of his players supported gay marriage, stating players who disagree with his own views should know their place and keep quiet. Defending freedom of speech, Kluwe — obviously not even a player within the same division — sent an epic letter to Burns that immediately went viral, forcing the delegate to back down.

Now, Kluwe took time out of his busy schedule to give readers of Minneapolis.org an inside look at the weekend leading up to the game in the form of a diary.

Here is what he had to say.

Saturday (Travel Day)

7am – Wake up, grumble about having to wake up before 9. Drink a Gatorade (hydration is important!). Drive to facility.

7:20am – Eat breakfast, grumble about having special teams meetings so early. Drink a water. Stare at phone to pass time.

8am – Special teams meeting. Give every indication of alertness while silently thinking of ways to successfully invade Russia in winter. Nod vaguely and grunt if name is called.

9am – Team meeting. Drink another Gatorade, try to avoid urinating in pants (no one wants a repeat of '07). Make a beeline for bathroom once meeting ends.

9:15am – Play dominos against long snapper. Beat him repeatedly until he swears and storms off. Stare at phone for remainder of time wondering why no one is updating their site at 9am on a Saturday.

10:30am – Mock game.

10:31am – Make a mockery of mock game.

11am – Mock game ends, run to shower barely in front of stampeding herd.

11:01am – Dry off from shower, head to bookstore for reading material for the flight. Grumble about lack of new science fiction/fantasy books. Buy something anyway.

12pm – Lunch. Graze on various foodstuffs rookies have been forced to procure. Wonder what half of it is.

12:45pm – TSA patdown/groping/arranged marriage. Emerge disheveled, but unscathed. Collect books and dignity, head to bus.

1:30pm – Board plane. Promise not to eat king size bag of peanut M&Ms because it'll only cause nausea. Drink a Gatorade.

1:35pm – Eat king size bag of peanut M&Ms.

1:45pm – Begin first of many attempts to keep stomach from running away to join the circus. Swear to never again eat king size bag of peanut M&Ms.

4pm – Land in opposing city. Stare numbly out bus window at random people in cars on freeway. Imagine life stories for each one; sadly all end in tragic circumstances involving common household appliances and farm animals.

4:30pm – Arrive at hotel.

4:35pm – Check into room, browse available adult movie selection to learn what current city views as acceptable morals. Mentally time when each wave of players reaches their rooms as selection decreases. Drink a Gatorade.

4:45pm – "Shower".

8:30pm – Special teams meeting. Refine Russian invasion plans. Clap briefly when projector fails and no one can fix it.

9pm – Team meeting. Pretend to enjoy inspirational team video with horribly chosen current rap/R&B song. Think of ways to permanently destroy autotune.

9:15pm – Team snack. Wonder briefly at how a five course buffet line with complete roast suckling pig can be considered a 'snack'. Fill bowl with chocolate ice cream and hot fudge until spillage seems certain. Return to room to gorge upon saturated fats.

9:30pm – Pass out in ice cream induced torpor. Dream of diabetic sheep.

11pm – Briefly startle awake as bedcheck is conducted. Return to sleep, dream of Chris Hanson battling Liam Neeson. Neeson wins.


Sunday (Game Day)

9:15am – Wake up. Eat breakfast. Watch players sheepishly pay for room charges at checkout counter.

9:30am – Take team bus to stadium. Listen to fifteen different songs blasting through Beats by Dre headphones. Reminisce fondly on boomboxes.

10am – Walk around field. Greet old acquaintances, mutually complain about special teams coaches. Wave and smile at special teams coaches. Warm up.

10:45am – Begin pregame kicking. Berate self constantly for any imperfect kick. Assure special teams coach that 'frothing seizure' is not on the game plan.

11am – Watch rest of team warm up. Continue to refine Russian invasion plans.

12pm – Game starts. Immediately begin counting down time until game ends. Glance wistfully at hotdog vendors. Punt occasionally.


Chris Kluwe, after reading this, I am officially a fan of punters everywhere! Now, do they sell punters jerseys?

James LeBeau is a sports contributor for CraveOnline Sports and you can follow him on Twitter @JleBeau76 or subscribe on Facebook.com/CraveOnlineSports.

Photo Credit: Getty

By: Tom Dahlin
Collection: Getty Images Sport