Blu-Ray Review: Chesty Morgan’s Bosom Buddies

'A triple-pack of seedy Doris Wishman crime dramas featuring the notoriously ginormous-boobed Polish stripper Chesty Morgan.'

Devon Ashbyby Devon Ashby

 

In recent years, Something Weird Video has scaled back or discontinued most of its previously glorious DVD selection in response to the growth of the Internet, with almost all titles now available only as direct downloads or home-burned mail-order DVD-Rs. SWV is slowly but surely reissuing some choice classic titles on Blu-ray, however, and we’re pleased to announce that the latest of these is Chesty Morgan’s Bosom Buddies, a triple-pack of seedy Doris Wishman crime dramas featuring the notoriously ginormous-boobed Polish stripper Chesty Morgan.

Deadly Weapons and Double Agent 73 feature Morgan as a vindictive gangster moll and government spy respectively, with both plots hinging on the active use of her horrifyingly exaggerated and surgically un-modified physical endowments to wreak havoc on personal and professional enemies. Immoral Three is a Double Agent pseudo-sequel directed by Wishman, which chronicles the exploits of Chesty’s three suitably busty illegitimate offspring, flashback-conceived in the rigors of the field and struggling solve the mystery of their mother’s murder.

In Deadly Weapons, Chesty (credited in the title cards as “Zsa Zsa” for some reason) must seek revenge on a gang of mob toughs, including one played by Deep Throat’s Harry Reems, who are responsible for offing her sleazy lover as part of a botched blackmail scheme. Picking up a job in a burlesque hall and ingratiating herself scintillatingly into their midst, she proceeds to pop the thugs off one by one, seducing them into various secluded enclaves and then smothering them beneath the weight of her vast, undulating cleavage.

This bizarre series of repetitive confrontations occurs within the context of a fascinatingly ugly, vinyl-surfaced and shag carpeted acid trip, encrusted with plaid polyester and rhinestone costume jewelry, and underscored by the pulsations of the same endlessly looping whitebread psychedelic funk track and jazzy noirish library staple blaring on the soundtrack. Reems, in his awkward attempt at a dramatic role, has never been more wooden (pun intended), and Morgan herself is like a towering drag queen parody of femininity, lost beneath her stiff platinum wig, artificial lashes, and gallons of shimmering eye shadow.

Double Agent 73 finds Morgan in a more bureaucratically sanctioned role as undercover government spy Jane Genet (hilarious literary reference no doubt intended), tasked with collecting information on a cadre of nefarious heroin smugglers. The only tools at Jane’s disposal are her wits, the irresistible pull of her sexuality, and a high tech camera surgically implanted in her left breast, set to go off whenever she squeezes it. Aside from these minor details, and minus the burlesque dancing and boob smothering, the plot of Double Agent 73 is virtually identical to Deadly Weapons – Jane uses her feminine wiles to seduce and destroy a parade of skeevy drug runners, pausing along the way to collect snapshots of incriminating documents and triumphant, bloody money shots of their ultimate respective demises.

The last film on the disc is The Immoral Three, which was directed by Wishman, but unfortunately does not feature Morgan, who had presumably moved on to greener pastures by then. Instead, Immoral Three relies on a flashback stand-in to fill in for Morgan’s Double Agent 73 character. The film’s primary chronology focuses on Jane’s three previously unacquainted, less cartoonishly buxom daughters. Following Jane’s sudden and inexplicable murder, daughters Sandy, Ginny and Nancy are reunited, clued in to their shared lineage, and told they need to avenge their mother’s death in order to claim their inheritance. Accordingly, the sisters must rise to the occasion and blaze a violent swath of seduction through the available list of Jane’s surviving male enemies, risking their lives and exposing their pulchritudinous flesh in their quest for vigilante justice.

Doris Wishman was pretty much the only high-output female director associated with the midcentury sexploitation boom, and her films are as unapologetically sleazy as the most devil-may-care of her male compatriots’. What’s really surreal about Double Agent 73 and Deadly Weapons is that they’re shot like traditional erotica, but their star’s bizarre physiognomy pretty much negates any true erotic appeal for anyone other than, arguably, extreme Meyeresque boob fetishists.

The one thing you will take away most powerfully from all three of these movies, however, is how transcendently ugly and tacky the ‘70s really were. The entire wilderness Chesty’s character inhabits, though, is uniquely bathed in bizarre dime store tackiness, apart from the inherent halo of oddity surrounding her physical person. Absolutely everything is fuzzy, gold-embossed, plastered with leopard print contact paper, loudly patterned, flamboyantly ruffled, or swathed in floral print nylon. Plus you get to watch Harry Reems and his epic mustache strangle a chick to death who is trying really, really hard not to laugh.

In standard form, SWV rounds out the disc with a trailer reel for other Doris Wishman movies (there are unfortunately no others featuring Chesty) and a gallery of one-sheets and lobby cards for same, underscored by radio advertisements for same. As vintage curiosities go, the Morgan/Wishman ouvre is already pretty well established among cult nerds, so if you haven’t seen them yet, now is the time. The transfer prints actually look surprisingly good, so even if you’ve bought them before on DVD or VHS, the Blu-ray set is easily worth a double-dip.