It was 1993. And in between sipping ecto-cooler and putting baseball cards in the spokes of your bike, you were probably plopped down watching the first season of the Saban/Fox Kids joint Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
Or you weren't. In which case this article will only apply to you if you retroactively feel nostalgic about things you never personally experienced. Oh wait, you’re on the internet… you already do!
I found an awesome video (only part 1!) that compiles the plots of hours of episodes of Power Rangers into a 15 minute block. And looking at this show as a whole, you realize, it’s kinda insane. If included a handy guide to the highlights below.
And after watching this hilarious video, don’t blame me if you try to forsake your childhood:
Here are some things you learn in this video, in order:
Trini’s fear of heights make her unable to be of any assistance ever when needed.
Rita Repulsa hates the environment. And badly wants Kimberley and Trini in her “waste dump.”
Jason struggles with weight issues… namely the ability to bench over 85 lbs.
Gnome magic can’t effect the deaf.
Rita Repulsa suffers from menstrual cramps.
Kimberley and Trini volunteer FOR EVERYTHING.
Billy– for being the smart one– never built anything that worked for sh*t.
Rita’s desire to kidnap children borders on the predatory. Sorry, Willy.
Kimberley can land a single-engine plane with no prior training after her uncle passes out drunk at the helm.
Trini’s doll collection is barely tolerated by her friends. Barely.
Zack’s “forgotten” birthday party is a powerful metaphor about race relations in 1994.
Pineapple + Octopus = The Mighty Pinoctopus
Magic drinks can turn you into a bully… and in Kimberley’s case, 4x hotter.
Billy is the author of The Perks of a Teenage Wallflower.
Trini’s uncle Howard comes to teach the kids about the dangers of diabetes.
Tommy proves that the “new kid at school” is always a tool of evil space witches. Everytime.
…and that problem will last for at least 5 episodes.
You can take the Megazoid out of the Power Ranger, but you can’t take my **** out of K********
The Power Rangers, collectively, are the WORST DETECTIVES EVER.
Turtles with stoplights on their backs hate basketballs.
…Wow… this video is still going…
Only after assisting the deaf, the orphaned, and those with weight issues, will the Power Rangers try to save their town’s beloved statue.
Kimberley learns she has dyslexia after she finishes her parade float.
If your monster of the week looks like Frankenstein’s Monster, and you haven’t bought the rights to use Frankenstein’s Monster, then you NEVER TALK ABOUT THE NAME OF THE MONSTER.
I wish that my school had a “Team Ninja Tournament”. And so do you.
If “Mutitus” and “Locar” were the ultimate evils, then why did you wait almost a whole season before using them?
…because they’d be defeated and topped out by a demonic spinning wheel!?!?!
THAT’S IT, I’M DONE… you can watch the rest of the seasons here if you can endure it. Just remember, your childhood was a great time, mainly because you remembered NONE of this stuff. Be happy.
For more of your better forgotten childhood follow @cravesam
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers owned by Saban, Toei, Fox Kids, and ABC. I don't own any of it.