Decoding the Facebook: Dating

Suffering from obscure status updates on Facebook? Worry no more.

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Everyone everywhere is making their thoughts known on Facebook. But, let’s be honest. Most people do it for attention. And most of the time your friends and family can be pretty vague. Luckily, we here at CRAVE have developed a useful little guide to help you figure out what your friends are really trying to say.

This week we tackle Dating. Everyone does it at some point (well, almost everyone, ‘cept that guy who played Sloth in The Goonies). And in this modern age, it’s hard not to find a story about dating from one of your friends on your news feed. That’s were we come in – to help you figure out what your friends are really trying to say!

This is CRAVE ONLINE’s Decoding the Facebook Series!

 

 

What they’re really trying to say: I spilled hot coffee in her lap giving her 2nd degree burns on her genitals, but I think I could really be on to something here. 

 

 

What they’re really trying to say: It’s better than the usual Olive Garden and boob grope in the Barnes & Noble parking lot. I don’t play hard to get.

 

 

What they’re really trying to say: I’m gonna follow that cute brunette home from the bookstore and wait underneath her car. Love knows no boundaries.

 

 

What they’re really trying to say: If he doesn’t call me back I’m gonna slash his tires and burn his f*cking house down to the ground.

 

 

What they’re really trying to say: I’m making a hair doll out of what you leave in the shower.

 

 

What they’re really trying to say: Chicken fingers = hand stuff. Pasta = mouth stuff. Steak dinner = foot stuff. 

 

 

What they’re really trying to say: Sometimes I grease the walls of the pit in my basement with oil so they struggle a lot trying to get out. 

 

 

What they’re really trying to say: I like to play this game while pulling out his fingernails.

 

 

What they’re really trying to say: So what if I farted while getting a BJ, who hasn't?

 

Tune in every week to CRAVE ONLINE for more DECODING THE FACEBOOK!