5 Episodes of The Onion’s Trouble Hacking

Let Drew Cleary hack your life and your mind!

Geoffrey Goldenby Geoffrey Golden

Broken glass cutting your feet? Can’t find those sweet apricots? These are the most common problems internet users ask Google and Yahoo Answers every day (I’m sure). Drew Cleary is a self-proclaimed “Trouble Hacker” who will solve all these problems for you with simple fixes. Here are 5 episodes of The Onion’s Trouble Hacking:

 

“How To Opt Out Of Olive Garden’s Bread Bowl”

It’s your right to opt-out!

 

“Whenever I Leave The House, Broken Glass Cuts My Feet”

That’s awesome, but what’s that cloth he’s wearing over his chest? It seems to be protecting him, too.

 

“Kenneth Branagh’s Mechanical Spider Attacking You? Stop Him!”

Ohhhh, movies!

 

“Find The Sweet Apricots You Buried So Long Ago”

All I see when I close my eyes are ghosts. What do I do?

 

“My iPhone Is Covered In White Mold! Help!”

Someone needs to make an app for this.

 

Geoffrey Golden is the Editor-In-Chief of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans!