Decoding the Facebook: Back to School Edition!

Find out what your friends are really trying to say on Facebook!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Suffering from obscure and pointless status updates on Facebook? Well, luckily we here at CRAVE have got you covered. We've developed a helpful little guide to help you dechipher what your friends are really trying to say while heading back to school this year!

Friends going away to college for the first time, drunken-masses are crowding into classrooms, and teachers are sharpening pencils in preperation for the start of the fresh academic year. And you'll be able to follow every dumb detail on Facebook. And they've got a little more subtext than they let on… 

This is CRAVE's DECODING THE FACEBOOK SERIES! 

 

What they’re really trying to say: “Now I’ll be able to correct my boyfriend when he asks, ‘can I put it in?’”

 

What they're really trying to say: “Someone’s got to make awkward sexually-charged passes at the girl’s volleyball team.”

 

What they’re really trying to say: “What has two thumbs and loves the student health center? This girl.” 

 

What they’re really trying to say: “I hope campus police aren’t on to us after we hit that kid with Chad’s pick-up last spring.”

 

What they’re really trying to say: “I’m glad’s dad’s alimony money is being put to good use. Also, you’re gonna be a grandpa by junior year.”

 

What they’re really trying to say:  “It’s impossible to get red body paint off your penis without seriously burning your own scrotum.”

 

What they’re really trying to say: “If you find me dead and naked in a field, it was the gerbil they put inside me that finally did it.” 

 

What they’re really trying to say: “All you have to do is say something nice about my sculpture, that’s it — and it’s a free lunch, boys.” 

 

What they’re really trying to say: “I’ve had a thing for sexy-ass teachers since Mr. Belding.” 

 

Tune in to CRAVE ONLINE everyweek for more DECODING THE FACEBOOK!