When you first joined Twitter, chances are you expected to instantly become a celebrity. "Everybody else seems to be doing it", you thought, "it can't be that difficult". But alas, it was, and the only followers you amassed were fake porn accounts with usernames such as 'SquirterXXX' and 'BettyQueef'.
But there's still time for you to become a Twitter phenomenon, if you take the following advice…
Create a Parody Account
One of the easiest ways to gain Twitter notoriety is to create an account parodying a celebrity, whether it be an easy target such as a politician, or a not-so-easy target such as eccentric actress Tilda Swinton. Whoever you choose, make sure you expose your target's defining characteristics for comic gain – such as @NotTildaSwinton's imaginative description of her birth (above).
Pretend You're an Animal
People love animals doing people things, so assuming the role of a cat, dog, horse or duck and tweeting mundanities is a proven winning formula.
Become Worryingly Attached to One Direction
In the dark corners of Twitter there lurks the One Directioners, a group of pubescent youngsters devoting their time to getting hashtags such as '#ReplaceAWordInASongWithHarryStyles' trending worldwide. While being a One Directioner has its drawbacks, such as having to listen to the music of One Direction, the huge following that the band has ensures that by becoming one your amount of followers should expand drastically. However, doing so will also require a lack of self-respect on your part.
Use the Word 'Swag'
Couple it with poor grammar and you're on to a winner.
Stick to Current Events
In case you haven't heard, the Olympics are currently on right now, so use them as a means to showcase your unique brand of terrible, terrible humour.
Provide a Service
A quick way to earn more followers is to provide information, something which UberFacts does to tremendously popular effect – even if most of their information does seem to somehow make you less intelligent by reading it.
Pretend to be a Celebrity
It takes a 'special' kind of man to pretend to be a celebrity, but it's certainly the easiest way to gain multiple followers without putting in the effort. Simply change your username to that of your chosen celebrity's, and then wait for hundreds/thousands of oblivious fans to accidentally follow you instead of their idol. It's not exactly the most creditable way to gain Twitter fame, but when you're reading an article on how to become a celebrity via Twitter, I don't think you're the kind of person who can afford to be picky.