Ryan Lochte has won five Olympic medals since he is now out of the shadow of fellow freak-of-nature athlete, Michael Phelps. But, you don’t necessarily have to be a rocket scientist to compete at the Olympics. Ryan Lochte, for lack of a better term, is stupid.
Despite his unbelievably impressive athletic prowess, physical endurance, and gereral competitive edge, Lochte seems to be as smart as a box of rocks. Witness here:
So we here at CRAVE have developed a little test in to see if you are smarter than Ryan Lochte. You’ll probably pass. But, take it anyways…. Just to be sure.
1. The room you are currently in is on fire; you:
a.) Exit the room.
b.) Try and extinguish the fire.
c.) Move away from the fire.
d.) Sit down and continue to play with your trains.
2. There is a shard of broken glass in your chicken sandwich; you:
a.) Throw the sandwich away.
b.) Make yourself a new sandwich.
c.) Remove the shard of glass and eat the sandwich.
d.) “Who put all this blood on my sandwich?”
3. At the grocery store, the check-out girl give you an extra dollar by mistake; you:
a.) Return the dollar to the clerk.
b.) Pocket the dollar for yourself.
c.) Give it to the homeless.
d.) Fart into your own hands and smell it.
4. What is your favorite outdoor activity?
c.) Kite flying.
d.) Looking up at the sky and spinning until you puke.
5. Why is your mom yelling at you today?
a.) Late for school.
b.) Dirty room.
c.) Tracking in mud on the carpet.
d.) Running as hard as you can face-first into your bedroom door.
6. An attractive woman is flirting with you, what is your first impulse?
a.) Flirt back.
b.) Ask her for her number.
c.) Kiss her.
d.) Squeeze her big boobies like in dad’s basement movies.
7. When someone asks you, “what color is the sky?” you respond:
b.) “Light Blue.”
c.) “A variety of colors, depending on time, pollution, and weather.”
d.) “I can’t get this crayon out of my nose.”
8. What size bed do you sleep in?
a.) A King.
b.) A Queen.
9. What's nine plus three?
d.) I lick power outlets.
If you answered mostly (a-c), congrats! You are smart enough to have a job, drive a car, and live a normal life.
If you answered mostly (d), you are Ryan Lochte.
Photo: Credit: Dannie Walls/ICON SMI