Decoding the Facebook: Olympics Edition Pt.II

Find out what your friends are really trying to say during the Olympics!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Still suffering from obscure updates from your family and friends on Facebook? With social media these days, everyone is Facebooking or Tweeting their opinions on anything and everything. Luckily, we here at CRAVE have developed a helpful little guide to help you figure out what your friends are really trying to say during the second week of the 2012 Olympics in London.

This is CRAVE ONLINE’S: DECODING THE FACEBOOK Series.

 

Michelle (yesterday): Usually I don’t care for watersports at the Olympics, but this year I’m a little more interested.

What they’re really trying to say: Ohmigod, did you see the size of that diver’s hog in his trunks!?! Holy sh*t!

 

Brian (4 hours ago): Phelps is the MAN! Way to go America!

What they’re really trying to say: I want to put my face up against his abs and work it like he was grating a block of cheese.

 

Amber (6 hours ago): Gabby Douglas is an okay gymnast. I don’t know why everyone is making such a big stink about her.

What they’re really trying to say: There goes the last sport that white people were the best at.

 

Frank (7 hours ago): These gymnasts today don’t have the heart or the courage of 1996’s Kerri Strug.

What they’re really trying to say: Nor the little boy haircut and supple buttocks of Kerri Strug either.

 

Trisha (moments ago): I’m amazed the guy from Ethiopia has been able to keep his record all this time.

What they’re really trying to say: Imagine what the guy could do with a plate of ribs and corn flakes in his stomach as opposed to a glass of water and bread crusts.

 

Rick (8 hours ago): I swear to god, if the Chinese get more medals than us I’m gonna be ashamed to call myself an American!

What they’re really trying to say: I don’t mind using a computer, cellphone, pretty much all major appliances made in China, but the minute they beat us at synchronized trampoline jumping – that's it!

 

Rachel (5 hours ago): F*ck you, NBC! Stop showing pre-recorded bullsh*t just to make things seem more dramatic!

What they’re really trying to say: If I want to watch a show where the victor is already decided days in advance, I’ll just watch the presidential election!

 

Mike (yesterday): Happy all that swimming is over, now we can finally concentrate on the events that matter!

What they’re really trying to say: I won’t have to worry about explaining nip-slips to my kids. Worst case scenario — might be a torn scrotum.

 

Becky (8 hours ago): I always get so happy whenever I see those little countries no one knows about do well.

What they’re really trying to say: Just because they make my clothes, doesn’t mean they can’t be good at pole-vaulting too!

 

Stay tuned to CRAVE ONLINE for more DECODING THE FACEBOOK