As we all know from the film, if you’re faced with an existential crisis, such as trying to figure out, “Who am I What is the meaning of life? Is my existence pointless?” you may be suffering from a lack of overly macho body slams. There’s no shame in that. It happens to a lot of us.
Luckily, we here at CRAVE have developed a little quiz to help you figure out if forming a fight club is the answer to your depression. Chances are pretty good no, but there’s only one-way to be sure.
Take the quiz and find out:
1. How would you best describe your job?
a.) Great! Nice people, good benefits.
b.) It’s okay, I guess.
c.) I hate it and I dread work every day.
d.) I steal blueprints at night to figure out the best places to put the charges.
2. How do you feel about your body?
a.) I’m in great shape!
b.) I suppose I look okay, could be better though.
c.) My body is a wasting pile of skin and bones.
d.) My boobs are bigger than Sofia Vergara’s.
3. What are you giving out in your Halloween candy?
a.) Full-size Snikers bars.
b.) Fun-size Milky Ways.
d.) Ammonia Nitrate.
4. When you see a celebrity on TV, what do you think?
a.) Good for them. They deserve their success.
b.) Who cares? They all suck.
c.) Kill yourself!
d.) It’s all just a ploy to get me to by fabric softener and boner pills.
5. When your boss threatens to fire you for your appearance; you:
a.) Apologize profusely, promising it will never happen again.
b.) Not get caught next time.
c.) Screw it and walk it.
d.) Show him the picture you have of him nailing his secretary and demand a raise.
6. How is your love life?
a.) Great. I’ve been dating Cathy for two years now and couldn’t be happier!
b.) Eh, off and on with a couple people.
c.) Practically non-existent.
d.) I have a lady, but she’s frequently doing it with my imaginary friends.
7.) What does your housing situation look like?
a.) A great two-bed, two-bath and furnished from IKEA.
b.) I split a loft with some guy from craigslist.
c.) I live at the subway station between Washington and 6th.
d.) I live in an abandoned warehouse with a spacious living room and meth lab.
8. What do you think is the best feeling in the world?
a.) Getting a “job well done!” at work.
c.) Salty French fries.
d.) Knocking someone’s molars into the back of their throat.
9. What are you most afraid of in life?
a) Not being able to make the company trip to Puerto Rico.
b.) Finacial instability.
b.) My schizophrenic alter-ego blowing me up in a building, then stealing my girlfriend.
If you answered mostly (a), you need to get a life, loser.
If you answered mostly (b), you’re doing okay, but you need to take some more risks.
If you answered mostly (c), you should probably start punching a pillow.
If you answered mostly (d), start a fight club before you have a stroke.