Suffering from obscure updates from your family and friends on Facebook? With social media these days, everyone is Facebooking or Tweeting their opinions on anything and everything. Luckily, we here at CRAVE have developed a helpful little guide to help you figure out what your friends are really trying to say this week during the 2012 Olympics in London.
This is CRAVE ONLINE’S: DECODING THE FACEBOOK
Mike (yesterday): I think it’s pretty obvious to anyone that watched that the opening ceremony was nothing more but proof the New World Order is coming and we are all doomed!
What they’re really trying to say: “I’m not saying I would ask for it, but I would let Jesse Ventura yell into my butthole for an hour straight.”
Rachel (moments ago): So gorgeous last night! Danny Boyle is a genius! He should direct all Olympic opening Ceremonies.
What they’re really saying: “I wasn’t really watching the Olympics. I was driving home from a bar and I hit a kid… I drove off.”
Steve (6 hours ago): Don’t care what anyone says, Michael Phelps is still an American Hero.
Steve added a Photo:
What they’re really trying to say: “I wish my body could be mutated to look like a giant half-handicapped version of Peter Dinklage.”
Karen (7 hours ago): My sister Bridgette is in London right now having the time of her life! Wish I could be with you sis!
What they’re really saying: “Honeymoon in London for the Olympics? You think you’re so god*maned special Bridgette. I left you an upper-decker at your apartment. Have fun coming home to that.”
Mike (3 hours ago): Why is anyone still watching Judo? I mean, c’mon. Is it too hard to ask for some MMA?
What they’re really trying to say: “I have trouble getting an erection unless I watch something bleed.”
Sasha (moments ago): China wins four gold medals already!?! C’mon USA, where that good old-fashioned pride?
What they’re really trying to say: “I’m all about anabolic steroids, especially if I can rub it in the face of my dry-cleaners.”
TJ (about an hour ago): 5:30 am! Time for Olympic cycling!
What they’re really trying to say: “Who am I kidding? I was watching volleyball all night hoping for a titty to pop out.”
Tracy: (4 hours ago): This is going to be the Water Polo match that defines a generation.
What they’re really trying to say: “I’ve loved water polo ever since my kid brother drowned in the bathtub when we were kids… it wasn’t an accident.”
Sam (18 hours ago): Jordan Wieber didn’t qualify for gymnastics? What the hell is going on?
What they’re really trying to say: “How the hell am I supposed to give a crap about gymnastics if the only attractive girls are above 18?”
Stay tuned to CRAVE ONLINE for more DECODING THE FACEBOOK.