Decoding the Facebook: The Dark Knight Rises!

Find out what your friends are really trying to say about The Dark Knight Rises!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

This past weekend one of the most anticipated movies of the decade, The Dark Knight Rises debuted with loads of fan fare and applause. Which means that a lot of your friends are going to be posting about it on Facebook.

But don’t you wish you had a useful guide to figure out what your friends are really trying to say? Luckily, we here at CRAVE have developed a useful little guide to help you get a heads-up on all the Internet subtext out there.

This is CRAVE ONLINE’s Decoding the Facebook Series: THE DARK KNIGHT RISES EDITION!


Janine (6 hours ago): Rasinets? Check. Popcorn? Check. This better be the best Batman movie ever!

What they’re really trying to say: I have a pre-written blog about how bad the movie sucks no matter what. It’s all about getting those hits on


Matt (yesterday): BANE was the BEST thing about TDKR. I know the rest of you DK fans probably won’t get it. I shouldn't have to tell you.

What they’re really trying to say: I farted underneath my covers once and couldn't find a way out so I know the importance of an artificial breathing apparatus.


Brian (moments ago): I cannot wait until the next Batman movie! To all the nay-sayers: It’s GONNA happen!

What they’re really trying to say: Found a post that says “Batman 4 in the works: McG to Direct!”


TJ (17 hours ago): It was good, okay, I’ll admit it. But I’d be interested to see what a proven director like Paul Thomas Anderson would do with Batman.

What they’re really trying to say: I would like to see a 45-minute scene of just Batman washing his hands.


Steve (about 23 minutes ago): This movie is a clear attempt by the liberal entertainment business to attack Mitt Romney and his past!

What they’re really trying to say: I am medically unable to enjoy anything without a sharp object in my ass.


Trisha (7 hours ago): An awesome movie. Not one for the kids, though!

What they’re trying to say: I bring my two-year-old to the movies because I firmly believe that crying babies make the viewing experience more enjoyable. Also, because I’m a horrible parent.


Mike (moments ago): Gettin’ wasted before BATMAN, this sh*t is gonna be off the chain!

What they’re really trying to say: Michael Caine is more understandable after a 12-pack of Coors Light.


Steve (yesterday): You call that a resolution!?! Christopher Nolan is a hack!

What they’re really trying to say: Don’t leave me, Chris! Don’t turn off the lights! I want you inside me. I want to touch you touching me.


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