13 Easy Ways of Handling Rejection

Find yourself always being rejected by females? Here are 13 handy tips to help you out.

Paul Tamburroby Paul Tamburro

The looming fear of rejection stops many a man from chasing his dream woman, but with these tips you'll now have the tools just in case such a situation ever arises.

Here are 13 easy ways of handling rejection:


1. Call Her a Lesbian

Because if she doesn't find you sexually attractive then she must be a homosexual.


2. Tell Her That You Can Do Better Anyway

"I've got no less than three different girls' phone numbers tonight, at least one of which I'm pretty sure is real – d'you really think I need you?"


3. Drink Until Your Liver Implodes

You've already embarrassed yourself once tonight, so I'm sure that soiling yourself in the middle of the dancefloor couldn't make things much worse than they already are.


4. Tell Her That it Was a Simple Misunderstanding

"You've got it all wrong – I didn't say would you like to go for a drink, I said would you like to go see a shrink; you look like the kind of girl who would have unresolved father issues."


5. Pretend You Didn't Hear Her

If you didn't hear her inform you that she isn't sexually attracted to you, then it didn't actually happen.


6. Go Home & Close Your Curtains

It's 2012, so according to Mayan prophecy you only have a few months to suffer through this embarrassment anyway.


7. Tell Her That Her Best Friend is More Attractive

An insult that is the female equivalent of "you have a small penis".


8. Break Into Dance

Detract attention away from your social humiliation by doing the robot. 


9. Have a Little Cry

Boys don't cry – but MEN do. Let it all out, soldier.


10. Ask Another Girl Out

If you've learnt anything from that weekend in Vegas last year it's that you can always double down. That, and always check for the Adam's apple.


11. Post a Vague Facebook Status About it

Type out all the things you would never actually have the courage to say to her face by posting an offensive, unsubtle Facebook status update about her. Be sure to pick up on any noticeable physical inadequacies she may have and make frequent use of the word "bitch".


12. Tell Your Friends That She Said Yes…

…and that you rejected her. That's believable, right?


13. Comfort Eat

Nothing says "I am a successful, independent bachelor" like two packs of digestive biscuits and a Big Mac. 

Follow: @PaulTamburro