Decoding the Facebook: Your Mom

Find out what the Moms in your world are really trying to say!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Just about everyone has a Facebook account now. And as awkward as it is to acknowledge, your mother, your friend’s mother, and your mother’s mother have a view, a voice, and opinion to share in the digital age. Let's face it, most of the time it’s very hard to decipher exactly what your friends are trying to say. Thankfully, you don’t have to worry with Crave’s DECODING THE FACEBOOK series. We tell you precisely what your friends are REALLY trying to say.

Take a look:


Kathy (about an hour ago): Lunch date with the girls to help plan Megan’s wedding! Here we go!

What they’re really trying to say: “If that b*tch Samantha says one more thing about refrigerator magnet ‘save-the-dates’ I’m gonna leap over my chicken Caesar and belt her in the mouth.”


Patty (yesterday): Summer sale at Bed, Bath & Beyond. I think I may have gone a little overboard!

What they’re really trying to say: “I slashed a chick’s tires who cut me off in the check-out line.”


Peggy (6 hours ago): Happy anniversary to my wonderful husband. Here’s to fifteen more perfect years!

What they’re really trying to say: “If I have to wash one more poop stain out of your underwear, I’m going to freak out and smother you in your sleep.”


Nancy (7 hours ago): Off to our #1 son’s graduation! We’re proud of you baby!

What they’re really trying to say: “You think for one second we’re going to help you with your student loan debt, you’re f*cking nuts. Also, expect a bill for burning a hole in the living room rug when you were six.”


Rachel (15 minutes ago): Soccer game at 9. Dentist at 1. Meet with Trish at 4. Dinner by 6. Looks like it’s gonna be a full day.

What they’re really trying to say: “What I wouldn’t give for a little cocaine like back in college.”


Betty (3 hours ago): Who wants to come over and try my new quiche recipe?

What they’re really trying to say: “My cat, princes perfect, had kittens last weekend. Had to get rid of them somehow.”


Nicole (moments ago): Someone has a coupon for JoAnne Fabrics!

What they’re really trying to say: “I’ll be there when they open. Stay off my turf, b*tches.”


Michelle (5 hours ago): Quiet night at home with the family! Just what I need.

What they’re really trying to say: “Missy will be huffing hair spray in her room, Tom Jr. will be trolling for Internet porn, and Tom Sr. will be trolling for Showtime porn. God bless the American family.”


Wendy (yesterday): Just been in a funk lately. Can’t seem to shake it.

What they’re really trying to say: “God, I just need to get laid.”