Over here in England we are experiencing an impromptu bout of good weather, meaning that everyone and his/her mother is dropping all prior engagements in order to sit in their back garden with a crate of imported beer and drastically overcooked hamburgers. But I've noticed that the sun does some pretty weird things to people that I feel are worth noting, so here are 3 things that you puny earthlings only do when subjected to a healthy dose of sunlight:
1: Engage in conversation with complete strangers.
If it wasn't for good ol' Mr. Sun beaming down on you with a toothy grin and rays of warm loveliness you wouldn't give a solitary shit about your fellow pedestrians passing you by. In fact, if it was raining you'd probably look at them and hope that they were having a worse day than you are, but suddenly now that it's 19 degrees celsius you're on top of the world and you're doffing your cap to anyone who will so much as look at you twice.
But the madness doesn't end there, oh no. Not only are you smiling at strangers today, you're also actively engaging them in conversation. Sure, the conversations come to an end after you've asked them the rhetorical question of "it's a lovely day today, isn't it?" as if they could possibly respond with anything else other than "yes it is", but usually your days are spent trying to make it from Point A to Point B without becoming embroiled in idle chit-chat with cashiers/waitresses and desperately alone old people on the bus.
2: Inform all of your friends on Twitter that you are enjoying the sun.
The sun's only been out for a few days where I live and I've somehow managed to tweet about it 6 times. I have no idea what compelled me to transform into a sub-par online weatherman, but it seems that the sunlight has a mythical power that somehow forces people into divulging every minute detail of their lives in the misinformed knowledge that said details will somehow be more interesting now that the sun's got involved. Seriously, I tweeted a photo of me holding a glass of orange juice earlier. ORANGE JUICE (if this isn't encouraging you to follow me on Twitter then I don't know what will).
Yet despite knowing that absolutely no one in the free world cares about my day, I'll still probably post another tweet about the sun tomorrow. Why? Because I live in England and until I exit this grey bucket of a country for a holiday I'll continue to worship that beautiful orange bastard until a worrying mole appears on my neck and I'm forced to visit a dermatologist.
3: Forget to wear clothes
Those of you who are reading this article from the States/anywhere else in the world other than Britain may skip this part, but for the rest of you – you live in BRITAIN, put your SHIRT BACK ON.
There are designated regions of the world in which it is socially acceptable to walk around topless. Spain, Portugal and Greece are a few of those regions – Tesco in Hereford is not one of those regions. Although wearing clothing may force you to develop sweat patches so large that it looks as though your armpits have gone through a bad break-up and are using your t-shirt as Kleenex, going topless will result in you forcing everyone you come into contact with into an awkward position where they have to decide whether or not to look you in your eyes, your nipples or just stare vacantly at your mammoth beer gut.