QUIZ: How Manly Are You?

Are you the Clint Eastwood of Crawley?

Paul Tamburroby Paul Tamburro

After a few years of metrosexuality and adrogyny, manly men are "in" again. But are you one of them? Take this test to find out…

 

When a woman gets naked, what is the first part of her body that you look at?

A) Her boobs.

B) Her bum.

C) Her eyes.

D) You are that alarmed that you are seeing a naked woman that you fail to notice any specific part of her anatomy, instead kneeling at your bedside, clasping your hands together and thanking the Gods for finally rewarding you after years of abstinence.

 

How often do you watch porn?

A) I’ve paused it in order to read this article.

B) Fairly often but I can control myself.

C) Only when I’m bored.

D) Porn? Disgusting!

 

You’ve been invited to a house party. What do you do?

A) Invite all your mates along with you and cause a scene.

B) Attend alone but meet new people while you’re there.

C) Attend alone and stand awkwardly in the corner. Leave at 8pm.

D) Say you’ll take a rain check, then proceed to spend the evening playing The Old Republic and eating cold pizza.

 

Who do you support?

A) My local team! I’M*insert name of team here* TIL I DIE!

B) Whichever team I have money riding on.

C) No one.

D) I support my legs, because my legs support me! Ha Ha!

 

You have the sneaking suspicion that your best friends’ ex-girlfriend may be interested in you. What do you do?

A) You avoid her. You’re loyal to your friends.

B) You express interest also, but don’t follow it up as you’re not that guy.

C) You see her for a while but eventually call it off due to feeling too guilty.

D) She’s fit and you haven’t had any for far too long. Let’s go.

 

What is your favourite sex position?

A) Having a favourite would suggest I stay in one position for an extended period of time. I’m an acrobat between the sheets.

B) Doggy style.

C) Missionary.

D) There’s more than one…?

 

Which items would you take with you to a desert island?

A) A hunting knife. That’s all I would need.

B) A few crates of beer and some sunglasses.

C) If I’m going to be out there for a while then there’s quite a few books on my shelf that I haven’t gotten around to reading yet…

D) Suntan lotion – lots of it!

 

What’s the best method to attract girls?

A) There’s no method, it just comes naturally to me.

B) I ask for their name, buy them a drink and hope that we’re compatible.

C) I blindside them with a witty chat-up line, or failing that I give them a free ticket to the guns show. By guns I mean my biceps, in case you didn’t get that little joke. Oh, you did? Good.

D) I stare longingly at them from afar like a dog locked inside a car.

 

If you answered…

Mostly A’s: You’re a manly man. You drink beer, smoke cigars and punch holes in drywall. Your eyes are trained to seek out attractive females, like a horny T-800. You’re the kind of guy who would list sex as a hobby on Facebook, if you weren’t too bloody manly for Facebook.

Mostly B’s: You’re manly but not too manly. Your testosterone levels are high but not so high that you’re basically a walking erection. Your penis and your brain operate separately (most of the time) and you have the capacity to be a fully-functioning member of society.

Mostly C’s: You are still somewhat manly but as you lack basic social skills and are unable to be anything other than hopelessly dull, I’m afraid that no one will ever notice.

Mostly D’s: You’re not manly but you are your own man and there’s something to be said for that. Unfortunately, while being an individual is respectable, being a sexless shut-in isn’t. Sort it out.

 

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