Quiz: Is Your Pet Racist?

Take the quiz and find out!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

People of the world have had to deal with a lot of hate and bigotry in the past 500 or so years. But sometimes we can forget the biggest hate-mongers… pets.

We here at CRAVE have developed a little quiz to help you find out if your pet is a white supremacist. What’s that? No why you’re cute lil kitten could have people of different ethnicity? Think again. They say that pets eventually take on the personality of their masters… or maybe it’s the other way around?

Take the quiz and find out:


1.) What is your pet’s name?

a.) Miss Precious Perfect.

b.) Freddy the Ferret.

c.) Adolf Kitler.

d.) Goebbels the Gerbil.


2. If your pet could have voted in the last election, it would have been for:

a.) Barack Obama

b.) John McCain

c.) David Duke

d.) Polar Bears only. (You know… because they're white.)


3. What does your pet whine the most about?

a.) Not enough water in their dish.

b.) You don’t buy the good kibble anymore.

c.) Rat’s rights to cheese.

d.) “Those uppity hamsters that moved in down the street.”


4. What is your pet’s favorite food?

a.) Kibble.

b.) Fish food.

c.) Corn on the cobb.

d.) Natty light and Skoal out of a confederate flag bowl. 


5. Your pet paws at the TV screen usually at:

a.) The Amazing Race.

b.) The Apprentice.

c.) The Discovery Channel.

d.) Anything with Oprah.


6. Your pet abandoned it’s litter when…

a.) The pups grew old enough.

b.) The young were able to feed themselves.

c.) The litter took a fondness to rap music.

d.) The youngest and sexiest of the litter was discovered in bed with a black lab.


7. What does your pet think the greatest threat to the American way of life is?

a.) “Universal Healthcare.”

b.) “The 1%.”

c.) “Affirmative Action.”

d.) “All these damn American teenage turtles learning the way of the ninja from some foreign rat in a sewer.”


8. Why is your goldfish dead?

a.) Forgot to feed it.

b.) Didn’t know I had to change the water.

c.) I thought it and my new piranha could be friends.

d.) Refused to drink out of the same bowl as non-gold fish.


9. Why is your dog being thrown out of a bar?

a.) Couldn’t pay the bill.

b.) Too drunk to sit.

c.)  Peed on fire hydrant that wasn’t his.

d.) Inappropriate "Chihuahua border-crossing" jokes.


If you answered mostly (a) your pet is not racist. Not even interesting.

If you answered mostly (b) your pet is not racist, but probably hates Wayne Brady.

If you answered mostly (c) your pet could probably be a little more open-minded.

If you answered mostly (d) your pet is the David Allen Coe of pets.


CRAVE ONLINE is the foremost authority on pet racism.