That wonderful drunken heathen holiday is upon us once again. Shamrocks, green beer, and broken promises sung by a frat boy while his girlfriend cries in the corner. This is a great time to be alive. And with the widespread use of social media – drunkards on St. Patty’s can update their statii for the entire world to see!
But do you suffer from obscure updates from your friends and family? Not worry – we here at CRAVE have developed a useful little tool in order to figure out what your friends are really trying to say on the day when everyone is a little Irish!
Jeff (5 minutes ago): May the wind be at your back and the ground rise up to meet you! – Irish Proverb.
What they’re really trying to say: “I ran over a kid last night while I was opening a new Guinness. I’ve been on the lam for about seven hours now.”
Trish (yesterday): IMMOIMOMIOMIOIOIBLAHIOINFONIFNOIINEFOINONIIIIIIIII…..
What they’re really to say: “I passed out on my keyboard.”
Bryan (about an hour ago): Two dollar pints and wings at O’Mally’s!!!
What they’re really saying: “Someone is going to poop in their sink tonight.”
Meegan (7 hours ago): Alright Brandy, you bitch. If you so much as look at Mike again I’ll knock your teeth right out of your ugly mouth.
What they’re really trying to say: “I have difficulty communicating with my mom.”
Steve (moments ago): OHMIGOD the Dropkick Murphy’s are the coolest band on the planet!
What they’re really trying to say: “Like most, I enjoy the music of the Dropkick Murphy’s until I sober up. Then it’s back Arvil Lavigne.”
Rachel (12 hours ago): I had the best St. Pat’s ever!!!
What they’re really saying: “I went to this bar and it was packed and soo loud and there were all these guys with video cameras and t-shirts and they kept buying me drinks and now when I woke up I have all these free t-shits… And a receipt from planned parenthood.”
Dan (6 hours ago): I’m going to have these handcuff bruises for weeks… I love you St. Patrick.
What they’re really saying: “Did you know it was illegal to pull down your pants and pee in the middle of a Wal-Mart?”
Missy (yesterday): I’ve never been so hungover in my entire life… kill me.
What they’re really trying to say: F*ck you, Ireland. You were most interesting with snakes.
Steve (moments ago): I woke up… and there was… so much blood!
What they’re really trying to say: “I thought I caught a leprechaun. It was a little red-headed kid. I shouldn’t have set those leprechaun traps… Damn this green beer!”
CRAVE ONLINE wishes you blood-free and safe Leprechaun hunting…