Decoding the Facebook: Oscars Edition!

Figure out what your friends are really trying to say on Hollywood’s biggest night!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

What a great night to be a millionaire actor congratulating other millionaire actors! But, in all fairness if it wasn’t for us they wouldn’t be millionaires. So what do we have to complain about? But, that doesn’t stop most people from commenting on the Oscars from the safety of Facebook.

Do your friends post obscure status updates? Of course they do. But, worry no more. We here at CRAVE Online have developed a little guide to help you figure out what your friends are really trying to say about the circle-jerk that is… THE OSCARS!

Take a look:

 

Rachel (about an hour ago): Thank you this year’s Oscars for reminding me that as much as I love how I live, I sometimes forget to live what I love… in the meantime.. I vow next year I will be on it again!

What they’re really trying to say: “I’m finally going to finish my futuristic short-film about a young puppy’s quest to survive the robo-uprising of 2347.”

 

Dylan (yesterday): Love the love for the ARTIST!

What they’re really trying to say: “I didn’t really enjoy it, but everyone else seems to like it so I’m just going to go along with that.”

 

Frank (moments ago): Someone get Angelina a burger!

What they’re really trying to say: “I miss the old days when a good looking woman was a svelte 195lbs.”

 

Melissa (6 minutes ago): That was the most BORING OSCARS EVER!!!

What they’re really trying to say: I had my fingers crossed Gary Oldman was going to drunkenly call Emma stone a ‘c*nt’.”

 

Mike (30 minutes ago): Best Oscars in AGES! Billy Crystal, you da man!

What they’re really trying to say: “I’m so f*cking drunk right now! When does Bruno Mars go on?”

 

Danielle (1 hour ago): Oscars party tonight at my place, tell your friends!

What they’re really trying to say: “No one’s shown up to my Oscars party since I dressed up in blackface forCrash in 2004.”

 

Dave (moments ago): This is bullsh*t, when is McG ever going to get his recognition?

What they’re really trying to say:Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle was a f*cking masterpiece.”

 

Tina (yesterday): Emma Stone you are so beautiful… I will be you someday.

What they’re really trying to say: “If I cut myself a little more the voices will stop… If I cut myself a little more the voices will stop… If I cut myself a little more the voices will stop.”

 

Forrest (15 minutes ago): Natalie Portman is stupid hot!

What they’re really trying to say: “I like the fact she has the body of a thirteen-year-old girl.”

 

CRAVE ONLINE would like to thank the Academy, Mom, Dad, and Olivia Wilde.