Decoding the Facebook: RAGE

Find out what your angry friends are really trying to say!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Suffering form obscure Facebook status updates from your friends and family? Well, worry no more! Here at Crave Online we’ve come up with a useful little guide to help you decipher what your lame friends are really trying to say with out DECODING THE FACEBOOK series! 

This week, we cover the emotion of RAGE. Everyone gets angry from time to time, and more often than not people choose to air their grievances on a social network that everyone can see. But also, it’s usually code for something much… much deeper.

Take a look:

Todd (yesterday): If you look me in the eye I will punch you in the face!

What they’re really trying to say: “I’ve never gotten a fear boner before and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

 

Rachel (2 hours ago): I’ve had it with you. Your neediness. And your lame excuses for the past six months!

What they’re really trying to say: “I’ve been cheating on you with the guy in my office for the past seven months.”

 

Mike (13 hours ago): “Miscellaneous Nickleback Lyrics”

What they’re really trying to say “I just want to be held… oh, and I have sh*tty taste in music.”

 

Molly (about an hour ago): If I ever have to provide two forms of ID at the DMV again, I’m going to burn that motherf*cker to the ground.

What they’re really trying to say: “This is the one aspect of my life that minorities control.”

 

Dan (yesterday): Texting while driving is illegal? When did this happen? I hate cops. (Sent from my iPhone)

What they’re really trying to say: “Telling Mike I totally nailed that chick in poly-sci is way more important than your life.”

 

Steve (5 hours ago): What’s that? I have to buy something to use your bathroom? Go SCREW!

What they’re really trying to saying: “Another night of washing poop stains out of the undies.”

 

Jillian (moments ago): Whitney Huston was an icon and the best singer ever and if you don’t think so you can go to hell!

What they’re really trying to say: “I don’t know who this Whitney Huston lady is but TMZ says she was important and I stand by it.”

 

Forrest (two days ago): I hate bad drivers!!!!!

What they’re really trying to say: “I hate women and Asians!”

 

Sarah (about an hour ago): I hate it when the neighbors upstairs won’t shut up while I watchSo Think You Can Dance!

What they’re really trying to say: “I hate being alone. Someone please end this.”

 

CRAVE Online once saved a boy from drowning and Phil Collins wrote a song about it.