It’s annoying, egocentric, and lame. Especially on the day of love: Valentine’s Day. Everyone thinks they’re so special sharing how happy they are in vague status updates on Facebook.
But, there’s a solution for figuring out what you4 friends are really trying to say. And the solution is right here! Through scientific science, we here at Crave Online have developed a useful little guide to help you decipher your friend’s obscure Facebook statii.
Decoding the Facebook: Valentine’s Day Edition.
Take a look!
Dan (yesterday): Little does she know, someone got her two tickets to the Bolshoi ballet!
What they’re really saying: Three hours of awful theatre followed by the best sex imaginable.
Rachel (about an hour ago): I’ve eaten so much Valentine’s chocolate today I can hardly see straight!
What they’re really trying to say: Welcome to the wonderful world of type-II diabetes.
Bobby (17 hours ago): Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone, wishing you the best!
What they’re really saying: I’ve never been so horribly alone. Where’s the Jergens?
Samantha (two days ago): Finger’s crossed for a great Valentine’s day this year!
What they’re really saying: If Dan doesn't get me those tickets to the Bolshoi I’m going to cut his d*ck off.
Trevor (3 hours ago): Heaven help the wicked on Valentine’s day.
What they’re really saying: Roses are red, violets are blue. I’ve got a knife, get into my van.
Mike (yesterday): If you want my body and you think I’m sexy, come on baby let me know!
What they’re really saying: A couple of grainy photos taken by my iPhone in my bathroom mirror – surely this will attract some hot ladies on craigslist!
Stephanie (moments ago): Best V-day ever with my two best friends, Tom & Jerry!
What they’re really saying: Eating makes me feel less lonely.
Justin (6 hours ago): This holiday is a made-up piece of crap conspiracy by the illuminati and hallmark!
What they’re really saying: I’ve never kissed a girl.
Steve (moments ago): Dear Stacey, will you marry me?
Stacey changed her relationship status to Single.
Happy V-Day from CRAVE Online!