10 Keanu Reeves Conspiracy Theories

These theories will WHOA your mind!

Geoffrey Goldenby Geoffrey Golden

Keanu Reeves knows a lot about conspiracy theories. In The Matrix, he learns we’re all unknowingly plugged into a computer system. In Johnny Mnemonic, he learns that drug companies are evil. In Bill & Ted’s, he has an excellent adventure! So naturally, the internet meme Conspiracy Keanu pairs a freaked-out Keanu with the hard truths they don’t want you to know.

 

Dinosaurs

That means Jurassic Park was a propaganda film!

 

Video Games

A war against turtles and brightly colored ghosts.

 

Santa

Biggest holiday bummer ever.

 

The Happening

M. Night Shyamalan was trying to warn us, but we wouldn’t listen.

 

Retarded

We didn’t want to say anything, Keanu, but…

 

Zoos

If you decoded your issues of Zoo Books, you’d have already known this.

 

Conspiracies

Someone alert Jesse Ventura.

 

Coors Light

Free tracker chip inside every can!

 

Meme

Milhouse wishes he could do that.

 

The Matrix

Damn, that Matrix is clever.

 

Geoffrey Golden is the Editor-In-Chief of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans! Background via