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So I hear that you lot have been giving new Britain’s Got Talent judge Carmen Electra a hard time. You’ve reportedly taken offence to the fact that the American glamour model has taken the place of the nations’ favourite serial crier Amanda Holden on the judging panel, and have therefore resorted to shouting things such as “who are you?” and “you’re sh*t” (the Daily Mail’s words, not ours) at her during the filming of the audition process. Now that’s not very nice of you, is it?
What has Miss Electra ever done to annoy you, aside from looking like she’s found the Fountain of Youth and hasn’t told any of us sagging, aging mingers of its whereabouts? Rather than picking on her you should be welcoming her with open arms into our country, letting a little Los Angeles sunshine into your lives during this gloomy, damp February.
Here are 4 reasons why you should really start appreciating Carmen Electra.
1. C’mon. Look at her.
There are men who say they don’t like big-boobed girls who take their clothes off for money, and then there are men who are telling the truth. Carmen Electra is a gloriously crafted specimen of a woman, but many among you will still protest that she “isn’t your type”, which roughly translates to “I’m not rich/famous/handsome enough to sleep with her”.
While Amanda Holden was good looking in a ‘hot English teacher’ kind of way, Carmen Electra is good looking in a ‘Sky+ that moment where she jumps up and down excitedly and watch it again when you’re alone’ kind of way.
2. You’ve Already Hassled The Hoff
Have you never read the t-shirts? You must never hassle the Hoff, yet that’s exactly what you did when he appeared as a judge on the last series of Britain’s Got Talent. As if the UKs relationship with the US wasn’t strained enough, you then had to go and send one of their treasured exports packing after you disliked his Labrador like exuberance – and now you’re gonna send another US icon home?!
To be fair, he did make ‘Jump In My Car’, which judging by its lyrics I can only assume is intended to soundtrack sexual assault; “I wanna take you home/it’s too far to walk on your own/ah, come on I’m a trustworthy guy/oh little girl, I wouldn’t tell you no lies”? On second thought, maybe it was for the best that you sent him back to America…
3. She Needs a Decent Job
Reading Carmen Electra’s Wikipedia page is like reading the line-up to the worst movie marathon in the history of mankind. It begins with American Vampire (me neither), ends with 2 Headed Shark Attack and features no less than 5 (FIVE) of those dreadful …Movie parody films, with Meet The Spartans also thrown in there for good measure.
If she doesn’t manage to keep her job as a Britain’s Got Talent judge then chances are she’ll be starring in the upcoming Political Movie, where King George VI has to deliver a speech whilst also overcoming his debilitating stutter, falling anvils and midgets being shot out of cannons.
4. Remember Baywatch?
Remember Baywatch? No? Me neither. I do, however, remember the intro, where the improbably hot female lifeguards ran across the beach in slow motion, as it was these very scenes that were partly responsible for easing me through the hard (that being the operative word here) transition from childhood into adulthood. Carmen Electra was in Baywatch. This should be reason enough for you to welcome her into the UK with open arms, a smile and several tweets explaining your unrequited love for her that eventually lead to a restraining order.