You’re at work killing time. You check your Facebook. What do you find? Vague, obscure, status updates by your friends and family. Enough is enough. It’s time to take a stand.
We here at CRAVE have come up with a useful little guide to help you decipher what your friends are really trying to say. This week, we take a look at “Happy” Facebook status updates and give you special insight into DECODING THE FACEBOOK.
Take a look:
Mark (about an hour ago): Something good is going to happen really soon!
What they’re really saying: “The District Attorney dropped the ball on my public indecency charge. Can you say “acquittal?” Dropping your pants on a city bus is a form of free speech! “
Frank (yesterday): February is going to be my month!
What they’re really saying: “My health insurance at Dairy Queen finally kicks in and I can get the cyst on my armpit checked out.”
Rachel (17 hours ago): What a great time tonight! So much fun.
What they’re really saying: “Who knew the incorporation of a ‘safe word’ would make things go so much easier at the swinger’s party.”
Todd (moments ago): New car day!
What they’re really saying: “The fellas at the Best Buy Geek squad are letting me take out the bug on a date. “
Forrest (15 minutes ago): No day but today. Bring it on.
What they’re really saying: “Tonight. Hooters. Spicy Wings. Toilet. Awesome.”
Kimmy (yesterday): Who’s looking good tonight? I am. Watch out, boys.
What they’re really saying: “I’m going to use my low-cut dress to get a free movie from blockbuster. Score one for Kimmy.”
Ryan (2 hours ago): The new Van Halen album is everything I wanted it to be!
What they’re really saying: “Dear god, this is the worst piece of sh-t I’ve ever heard, but I’ve been telling all my friends for the past twenty years it was going to be great. Can’t back down now.“
Emmy (moments ago): I have the cutest cat in the entire world.
What they’re really saying: “I’m so, so lonely. Please give me a reason to get out of the house!”
Dave (two days ago): Party tonight! Got a couple cases of Keystone Ice!. This night is going to be off the chain!
What they’re really saying: “I’m going to poop in the upstairs sink again, I just know it.”
Tune into CRAVE for more DECODING THE FACEBOOK!