Have you ever been to a job interview and found yourself so nervous about what kind of first impression you’re going to make, that you greet the interviewer with a sweaty palmed handshake and an ill-conceived joke? Well, if you’re so worried about that, then why don’t you pay more attention to your Facebook?
Think about it; your Facebook is the first impression that potentially thousands of people will have of you. Some of them may be looking to date you; others may be potential employers doing background research; whatever the reason, your Facebook should be as much an extension of you as your extended sweaty palm.
Here are some examples of typical Facebook profiles that should help you to understand what yours says about you.
Your picture: Shirtless and possibly taken in your bathroom mirror. Defined abs that say either “determined and confident” or “potential sex pest”.
About you: “YO MY NAMEZ PETE BUT THE BOIZ CALL ME BIG P I LIKE GOIN THE GYM AND SURVEYING THE PUSSY”.
Your feed: When not informing your friends of your entering/exiting of the gym, you’re making suggestive comments on photographs of women you’ve never met before.
What you should change: Although you’ve clearly put a lot of effort into bulking up, you’re negating your manly physique by taking mirror photos that even a needy tween would turn her nose up at.
The World’s Most Average Man
Your picture: A snapshot of your car/motorbike that only you or other incredibly average men will care about.
About you: “Hi, I’m Dave, I don’t really know what to say here. Bye.”
Your feed: Long discussions about your bad day at work are punctuated by complaints concerning the rise of petrol prices and the failings of your local football team.
What you should change: Put that charcoal suit jacket back in your wardrobe and live a little.
The Party Animal
Your photo: You, bleary-eyed, with a beer in your hand and a penis drawn on your forehead, on the brink of vomiting.
About you: “Smoke weed, fuck n fight!!!!!!!”
Your feed: A myriad of wall photos displaying you in various states of intoxication (and nudity), with the occasional status update concerning how hungover you are.
What you should change: We get it. You’re a “crazy” guy who uses the word party as a verb. But maybe tone down on the graphic photos of your vomit, yeah?
The Pretentious Dick
Your picture: You wearing your finest second-hand jumper and ironic hat, standing with a cheap beer in hand in some crappy bar next to a bunch of other people in second-hand jumpers and crappy hats.
About you: “Media student. Freedom, peace & fucking.”
Your feed: A collection of YouTube links to bad quality footage of your band, Spooky Mike & The Imps, playing their “interesting” fusion of Shoegaze and Dubstep.
What you should change: Take off the hat, shave the handlebar moustache and admit that you quite like Rihanna’s new song.