Why Aren’t You Working? Christmas Tree Fire Edition

"Fa La La La La, My Tree Caught Fire" ...What? Don't know that one?

Sam Wellerby Sam Weller

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Fire is totally awesome. When handled in the right hands. Don't be a butt cheese and light things on fire for the purpose of entertainment then end up burning everyone. Fires hurt. They also don't care about people's feelings. I had a cousin once that got knocked up by a fire. He never paid child support. DON'T PLAY WITH FIRE.

 

So you've survived Thanksgiving, indulged in getting your ass kicked by Black Friday mace-wielding Wal-Mart shoppers, and have settled in to your more laid back December routine at work. Or maybe you've decided to step it up a bit to nab that tiny Holiday bonus!

 

But we all know that isn't happening because you're reading this right now.

 

Post-Thanksgiving is filled with all manner of Yule-tide traditions, and at least for Christians we've got CHRIST-masing to do, God bless us! And that means buying a Christmas tree. So before you return home at 11 o'clock tonight to your happy nuclear family to pick one up; I thought it best to instruct you guys on proper electrical plug setups…

 

And your pet isn't the only one set to suffer from your drunken alpha-male handling of Christmas lights…just think of your poor tree!

 

Watch this and let the fear of God (or fire, your choice) settle into you…

 

But holy krampus if that isn't entertaining!

 

The juxtaposition of mirth and Christmas morning merriment mashed up with the absolute terror of losing your home and presents under the tree! It's like a drug rush I can't get enough of! And neither can the people of Salem, Massachusetts! They can't get enough of burning things…

 

That felt like too much buildup though, I wanna see Christmas trees burn…FAST!…

 

WOO HOO! It looks like Scorpion's Fatality over here! Gimmie more, more, MORE! A side by side comparison of "dry" vs "wet" trees…

 



….AAAAaaahhhhh yeah. That's the stuff!

 

Well, looks like I've "burned" up enough time for you at work! (Classic joke Sam, nice!) Back to the mill-stone with you, and remember not to start fires in the office. That only comes after you've "burned" every bridge with your co-workers! (Twice! Sam never disappoints!)

 

Beat the author within an internet inch of his life @cravesam on Twitter