Alternate Life Choices for Celebrities

They might be famous, but what if they weren't? 

Lane Cummingsby Lane Cummings

None of these people are the Michelangelos of their profession; it has to make you wonder, if fate (for whatever reason or drunkenness) had not smiled on them, where would they be now? Lets take a look at where some of our favorite "stars" might have ended up in a world that doesn't see them as the Hollywood elite but instead that guy at the bus station who never seems to be going anywhere… 

Will Ferrell

Weird guy that does weird things. Every neighborhood has one. You’d see him trimming the hedges in a swimsuit in January, and say “Oh there’s that weird guy that lives down the street…  there he goes.” He’d be the type of neighbor to wake up New Years Day in a gnome outfit, passed out on the lawn of Mrs. Snodmaker, and no one would worry or even discuss the matter. They’d just figure that, hey, the weird guy would get around to getting up from his weird choice of sleeping places.

Woody Allen.

High school chemistry teacher. He’s be the teacher with the pit stains that would drop things on the floor in the front of the classroom and not be able to find them, even after seven minutes of crawling around on his hands and knees in front of a legion of snickering students. He’d dribble coffee on his button down shirt, every time he’d take a sip. He would ogle the young girls, only intending to look at them in a teacher-ly way, but not be able to control the length and intensity of his gaze.

Christina Hendricks

Full-figured lingerie model. If you think about it, it almost seems like that was God's original plan for her. 

George Clooney

Honestly, a part of me wants to just write “corporate douche who makes a lot of money and does bad things sometimes and has a college freshmen blow him from time to time,” but honestly, I feel like that would be lacking in imagination. I think perhaps a better job for him would be just… bartender. I could see him in an upscale or redneck establishment, wiping off glasses, checking out the game, telling old Bernie he’d had too much Night Train and then banging a waitress in the stock room, just because.

Mila Kunis

Fast food restaurant cashier. Mila Kunis would use that spunk and that pep to tell people to keep their hands off her register when placing an order for a grande-burrito-delight. She’d take long breaks and chain smoke, not caring to dispose of her cigarette before she re-entered the restaurant. She’d wear shorty shorts that weren’t part of the uniform but did it just because bending over and teasing all the schlongs that entered the establishment would be her only way to seek revenge on a job that was just so beneath her.

Shia LaBoef

Customer service representative by phone. You know when you’ve been outrageously billed by some massive mistake by your cell phone company and you call, only to be put on hold for the better part of your youth? Well, that’s because someone like Shia-ster would be manning the phones. You can picture it, he’d have his feet up, a bacon-egg sandwich in one hand, headphones on, watching a rerun of Different Strokes while his boss was off site, to just let the phones ring. The sound of the ringing would never deter him from falling asleep in his chair, most often with his hand down his pants. Imagine.