D’you ever wake up in a cold sweat with the theme tune to the Super Mario Bros. Super Show playing in your head? Of course you do. We ALL do. But there are some things that were even more terrifying than that nightmarish creation, and it is these things that I am going to remind you of once again today.
If up until this point you thought your only repressed memory was the one where you caught ol’ Ma ‘n’ Pa doing the horizontal salsa in the kitchen, then prepare to have a whole other can of worms opened up for you as I guide you through the top 5 moments that once left your Ninja Turtles jammies suspiciously damp in the morning.
5. The Terrifying Boat Ride – Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory
Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory was surreal, yes, but aside from the weirdly stoic expressions on the faces of the green-haired little helpers it never really delved into the inherent darkness of Roald Dahl’s classic novel. That is, until the boat ride scene.
Images of tarantulas, eyeballs and giant lizards flash across the screen as Wonka’s chants become louder and louder, eventually devolving into nonsensical yet utterly terrifying bellows. But just as soon as it began it finishes, with Charlie & co. exiting the ride and acting as if the previous 2 minutes of horror had never even happened. Unfortunately, it was much more difficult to wipe the boat ride from our own minds.
4. Melted Worm Face – Tales of Worm Paranoia
The “What A Cartoon” shorts that used to air in the 90s on Cartoon Network were well known for being a little bat-shit crazy and, let’s face it, probably not ideally suited for a child audience in any capacity. But we watched anyway, as kids do, and got a little more than we bargained for with Eddie Fitzgerald’s “Tales of Worm Paranoia”.
An upbeat and optimistic worm finds his world turned upside down when he is one day trampled on by a careless human. With his outlook on life worsened, the worm seeks revenge by purchasing “Vitriol” acid in order to pour it on the face of the human who dampened his spirits. The whole episode is unnerving, particularly the worms mentally abusive relationship with his girlfriend, but it is when he accidentally pours the Vitriol over his own face that it reaches a morbid (and horrifically mutilated) peak.
3. Pink Elephants on Parade – Dumbo
Perhaps the only moment on this list to genuinely give me sleepless nights, I watched Dumbo when I was but a few years old, yet to this day the Pink Elephants’ marching chant still sends shivers down my spine when I hear it.
Although thankfully being under the influence doesn’t cause you to see these eyeless ghouls, if it did I assure you that my liver would be at least 7 times healthier than it is right now.
2. Ren loses it – Ren & Stimpy
Suffice to say that Ren & Stimpy was terrifying at least 80% of the time, but our childlike minds somehow managed to withstand the onslaught of psychotic animation and actually enjoy it.
Looking back on this old clip from the episode “Stimpy’s Fan Club”, it boggles my mind that kid’s parents actually had to force their children to stop watching this show, rather than the kids actively running away from the TV screens screaming and crying at the sight of a deranged Ren methodically deciding upon the best way to kill his oblivious friend.
Honestly, what was wrong with us?!
1. Mr. Noseybonk
With no Embed Code available, you'll have to go watch Mr. Noseybonk yourself!
Three words: He’s Behind You.
Enjoy your (lack of) sleep.