Last week, I presented some of America’s most offbeat laws about one can and can’t do under certain situations. While many of these laws make you wonder “Was there really a need for this law?”, the following bunch REALLY make you wonder. (I included some bonus laws over the normal six… no need to thank me).
Some of the best crazy laws are about animals, which shouldn’t be much of a surprise. What’s amazing is how many states seem to care where you park your alligator:
#1. In Alabama, New Orleans, and several other states it is illegal to leave your Alligator chained to a fire hydrant.
Well that just makes sense. I mean what if there was a fire? I’d hate to have my house burn down because the firemen got eaten by an Alligator. Plus it shouldn’t be legal to park an alligator without paying for it! (I believe they count as vehicles). It seems the ani-alligator lobby is strong in the south. Well in Florida they are halfway to that law:
#2. In Florida an elephant tied to a parking meter must pay the regular hourly parking fee.
It’s about time someone shut down those free-loading elephants. You know half the time you try to fine an elephant for illegal parking it claims it “forgot about the law”. A likely story Dumbo… tell it to the judge. Were you just unloading your TRUNK?! Oh and btw:
#3. In Atlanta Georgia it is illegal to tie a Giraffe to a lamp post.
That’s a good law. Plus if you allow Giraffes in town you really pay for it in the defoliated trees. First of all, how many giraffes are there in Georgia? You have to think they made this law to single out ONE guy who had a giraffe tied to a lamp post. Still if you have an issue with this law, I’d keep it to yourself because in Georgia:
#4. It is LEGAL to commit simple battery if the victim provoked you using “Fighting Words”.
Yep. So when a redneck in Georgia says “Them’s FIGHTING Werds!” You best F’ing Run! Yosemite Sam had a friend at the Georgia state congress, apparently. Ok back to animals, did you know that in Georgia:
#5. Bathtub Laws:
It is illegal to keep a donkey in a bathtub.
In Arkansas it is illegal to keep an Alligator in a bathtub.
More to the point:
In Detroit, Michigan, it is Illegal for a HUMAN to sleep in a Bathtub.
Ok fair.. bathtubs are not for sleeping, especially when they have a donkagator in them. Sorry… “Donkagator” is one of the funniest words I have ever created. I just need to take a second here and toot my own horn. Toot Toot. Anyway. How do they enforce this law, anyway? Are there people narc-ing other people out for snoozing during a warm bath? The point is that there are a LOT of laws that stop you from parking your circus animals in the street but none so helpful has California which states:
#6. Molesting butterflies carries a $500 fine.
Date raping butterflies is punishable by death. Sometimes no, means no, she’s barely out of her pupa you sicko!
Know any weird laws in YOUR state? Call the Powers/Carr hotline at 865-4-TIM-SAX and let us k now. We may use those laws in future columns or Tim and I might use them as springboards on an upcoming episode of “THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING,” our podcast available here at Crave.
I must end this column, though, because a policeman has stopped me. It seems it is illegal to drive over 2,000 sheep down Hollywood Boulevard in my hometown of Hollywood, California. Unfortunately, as he tries to verify that I have over 2,000 sheep, he keeps falling asleep.