Episode Title: "A Tale of Two Audreys"
Writers: Sam Ernst & Jim Dunn
Director: T. W. Peacocke
Previously on "Haven":
For those who missed last season, Audrey Parker (the undeniably cute Emily Rose) is an FBI agent with no real past who has come to Haven, a town in Maine with a strange and interesting secret. Haven is full of “the troubled,” which are people with supernatural powers. Once Audrey arrived she became aware of pictures of “The Colorado Kid” in the local newspaper that seems to show pictures of her mother, who is named Lucy. As the 1st season came to a close we learned that Lucy and Audrey may be the same woman, and her place in Haven is far more central then she ever could have imagined.
Oh and Audrey/Lucy’s gift seems to be turning off or reversing the powers of the other Haven troubled.
We also learned that Chief of Police, Garland Wuornos (Nicholas Campbell) was the cause of earthquakes that have been plaguing the city in his attempt to “hold Haven together.” His death in the final episode left a power vacuum that will presumably be the focus of this upcoming season. Just to add fuel to the fire as the final episode winds down another woman claiming to be Audrey Parker arrived in Haven and she held the original Audrey at gunpoint.
Speaking of "Haven" season 1, if you want to see what may be one of the worse episodes of television ever, check out Season 1, Episode 9: “As You Were”. It’s just horrible. Simply horrible.
After a brief recap we are treated to the Mexican stand-off between Audrey 1, Audrey 2, and Nathan Wuornos (Lucas Bryant) that quickly and unsatisfactorily defuses. What was Audrey 2 hoping to accomplish here? Either way she ends up handcuffed in the back of Nathan’s truck and the episode lumbers on.
It’s quickly revealed that a series of strange events that mirror the ten plagues of Egypt have been visited upon Haven. You know what means: Rain of blood, flaming hail, bugs, and all the rest of it. Nathan and Audrey 1 set about investigating the supernatural goings on, all the while holding Audrey 2 in the back of the truck.
It’s about now that I noticed that all the skepticism from the previous season about the existence of the troubled (and what they can, and can’t do) is completely gone. Clearly it was on the way out as the two detectives (if that is what Audrey 1 is now?) have come to terms with the strange events. But this seems oddly comfortable. Even the introduction of Audrey 2 is something they both walk off surprisingly easily.
“Hey there’s another girl who calls herself Audrey Parker!”
“But my name could also be Lucy!”
“Well F**k me!"
(not a real quote)
I have trouble believing that anyone who has spent the bulk of their life, and I mean tens of years believing that the supernatural does NOT exist would just change their ways of thinking so quickly. It’s not as easy as a switch flip! Plus, they never do anything to investigate any non-supernatural causes, which is just plain sloppy. What if the bloody water was just rust in the pipes? What if the boils were a real disease? We’ll never know, because nobody checked. It would suck to find out you let the town die because you assumed the supernatural worst and nothing practical along the way.
So anyway. it becomes clear that the plagues are following one person, and the team goes to investigate who this might be. Turns out it’s a guy whose wife died in child birth and who has been wandering around the town drinking.
PS: here's a good idea for a town full of random, godlike supernatural folks who have no knowledge of control of their powers… BAN ALCHOHOL!
They find the guy, with Audrey 2 now in tow as a junior officer or something and they manage to find out his big dangerous power:.. It’s reading. Whatever this guy reads comes true. All I could think was: “This guy should write I have a big d%$k and a million dollars on a cocktail napkin and read away!” So Audrey defuses his powers by having him read something else (other than the bible, which caused the plagues). Strange power, it makes whatever you read come true, unless you read something else. It's not clear on how that works or how Audrey 1 knew it worked that way.
In the end, it turns out Audrey 2 might have been right, as the FBI agents dispatched to the scene of the “false agent” crime point to her as the real Audrey. But because the two women have the same memories they decide, or rather Audrey 2 decides to wave of the other agents and stay in Haven to find out what is really going on. Who is Audrey 2? Or is it Audrey 1? Well, anyway who is anybody? Why should people care?
Also dealt with here is the Reverend’s attempt to take over the town (or at least control it) and to shun or otherwise harm the “cursed” (i.e. troubled) population. This is of course just laying the ground work for him being the ‘BIG BAD” of this season, even more cemented by having the bible be the cause of this episodes problems which was, I think, a lame attempt at a misdirect. Also, we meet Duke’s wife who is in town to find out why Duke (Eric Balfour) has settled down. Her name is Evidence, which is cool, the rest… not so much.
Not addressed in this episode: Who are the newspapermen? What powers do they have? How are they related to the tattoo subplot? What IS the tattoo subplot?
This show doesn’t know how to be subtle, or powerful, and that pisses me off. There seems to be no attempt to make the cases hard to figure out on your own, so the episodes just telegraph every move the team is going to make. What the show sells you as clever is often not. Instead it's contrived and pretty over-simplistic.
This episode is a big example of that. The whole dangerous bible-reader plot seemed to be artificially extended, and the reason that the man behind the plagues took so long to find and capture just doesn’t make sense. On the other hand, the resolution is completely out of left field. Not because it’s not predictable, but because Audrey 1 just kind of pulls it out of the air.
“Wait? Did you READ anything today?”
“Well… the Bible…”
(not a real quote)
This kind of ending does us NO good as viewers.
Plus, the Audrey plot was poorly implemented. How does Audrey 1 know that Audrey 2 has her memories? It can’t be because they both perform CPR in the same way… because that’s not really evidence of anything except both of them were in the campfire girls. Then they both tell a strange secret about how they STABBED A MAN IN THE THROAT WITH MICKY MOUSE SISSORS! And clearly they are the same person… right? Well maybe, but enough for either of them to let their guard down so far… I doubt it.
I feel like this show is all about having the wrong weight in the wrong conversation. Things that are poorly supported must be true and things that we are SURE are true might not be. The characters never respond to stimuli in a way that seems human or logical. All in all, it seems like the writers know what they WANT the show to do, and then just hope the characters can be written in such a way that it happens. But it never comes out that way in the end.
This episode made me sad, not just because it was a bad episode, but because it hints of further bad episodes to come in a show that I really hoped would redeem itself. Not that I wanted that redemption because I like this show, or its concept, or any of its characters. I simply didn’t want a bad show on SyFy when so much else good is there. Let’s hope I get my wish soon.
Crave Online Rating: 3.5 out of 10.