Welcome back to your personal guide for the most troubling YouTube videos on the internet. I come from a wide background of fan boys, whether it be comic books, wrestling, video games, you name it. But sometimes these groups create some pretty troubling stuff.
Last time I examined some disturbing levels of video game dedication. Sometimes video games in of themselves are troubling, but more often than not, it is the fans of these games that are to blame for extra-ordinary levels of perversion.
And the one place of fandom that the content is just as crazy as the people who love it is anime. "Anime" is often used as a short hand term for Japanese animation. You might be familiar with some stalwart examples of this entertainment: Pokemon, Kiki's Delivery Service, Legend of the Overfiend (Google that last one if you want to be scarred for life). But anime can inhabit multiple genres, so there is bound to be a lot of appeal across all walks of life and sexual orientation.
But before we dive into today's coss-section, maybe it's best to show what anime is…
1. Anime…What is It?
Overly sexualized twelve year-old? Check. Generic spiky-haired lead male? Check. Incredible super violence played for laughs? Triple check. "Bokosatsu Tenshi Dokuro Chan" or "Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro" is about a young guardian angel who often flys off the handle and violently murders the boy she's sent to protect only to resurrect him time and time again.
While this is an extreme and out of context example of anime, it's worth to note the title of this video is "Why I love Anime". Implying that this boy/girl/overweight adult male watches this sort of thing CONSTANTLY. This kind of anime is full of male wish fulfillment: women with big breasts and impossible to justify superpowers running around creating wanton violence for the sake of a joke.
But anime isn't just for straight men (or people pretending to be straight men) so let's find out how deep the rabbit hole goes…
2. Bleach Boys Hit it Hard
This is the most fantastically homosexual video I've ever seen about anime. As a straight male (spoiler!) being gay is totally fine in my book. But there is a lot of unintentional humor in this video. The zooming in shots of pouting lips as lithe, long-haired boys crawl all over each other and make out to bumping club music is laugh out loud hilarious. But why, you ask? …Because it's all fan-fiction!
The main male characters in the anime Bleach are all straight, but there is a wide contingent of gay and female fans that portray them in fan art as being madly in love with each other. Zooming in on their swords, wearing Levi's, watching them pole dance (!?) for each other is par for the course. The term for these out of character pairings is called "slash fiction" and it's rife with fan stories, art, and videos like these.
There is something just a bit troubling about imposing your sexual preferences on guys who don't materially exist…but let those crazy anime fans run with it right? No harm, no foul. But speaking of foul, check out the lyrics to this next fan video…
3. Dragon Ball Z Gangsta Rap (WARNING: LYRICS NSFW)
If Jay Z decided Goku was a hardcore gangsta who actually existed, then this video wouldn't bother me. But it does.
Let's go to the breakdown.
:14 This is starting well…we got drums…we got bass…Frieza and Goku fighting…
:25 I think I just heard a subliminal message to buy ADIDAS shoes
:36 You know what appeals to a wide audience? Obscure references to poorly received video games
:51 Wait, WHAT!? Why do you need to drop an N bomb on this DBZ rap? I hope you're black, because my Dragon Radar just went off for "non political correct-ness"
1:05 "Put these Dragon Balls in your mouth" No sir, I will not
1:14 "Like Nova Shenron with the heater" I don't think a cartoon character can use a gun
1:21 Nice touch with the Trunks voice sample, but I don't know if Trunks would join your gang of crass rappers that compare their strength to his arch enemy. Just sayin.
1:47 Sorry guys, but if anyone could wish for eternal life we'd still have Biggie and 2 Pac
Dragonball Z has inspired a lot of things but hardcore rap lyrics shouldn't be one of them. To be fair, the overblown machismo of DBZ is well suited for the dick measuring contest of a rap battle. But once you start comparing your "power level" to a fictional character's and then actually threatening a person with violence you're asking to get shot fur realz dawg.
So if you're going to rap about Dragonball Z just keep it clean is all I'm saying. Remember the show you're cutting verses about was meant to appeal to 9 year old Japanese kids, not ersaz gangsta rappers operating out of their mom's house.
OOOOOHHHHH YOU JUST GOT SERVED!