Photo: Joe Raedle (Getty Images).
NOTE: This article was not actually written by Donald J. Trump.
Most of the FAKE NEWS people said I couldn’t get any of the big acts to play my inauguration, but they lied. I got the biggest musical guest in the world. ME.
I may be the 45th President of the United States aka World’s Richest Man aka Time‘s Man of the Year, but what I really want to do is DJ. Everybody wants to talk about Obama (who?) and his Playlists. One word — Overrated.
Only thing I do better than making deals and grabbing pussy, is DJ.
HUGE drops. Hot like a dumpster fire. Like
Ivanka… Melania’s ass. My amazing President Donald Trump Playlist. Hit PLAY. REPEAT. SNIFF.
“We’re The Champions” – Queen
You know what never gets old? My wives and winning. You know what the difference between the two are? I will never get tired of winning. “No time for losers because we’re the champions”. Terrific lyrics. I couldn’t have said it better myself, but I could’ve sang it better. Freddie Mercury? Overrated. Most people don’t know that I’m a great singer. Ask Melanie. Ask Putin. Ask half of the Rockettes. I’ve got an amazing voice. Incredible high notes. The highest. I sing in the spray tan every morning.
“Donald Trump” – Mac Miller
My favorite rapper. Incredible talent. I love the blacks. Omarosa. She’s my ride or die — What? He’s white? No, that’s Eminem, Eric. Ivanka! Is Mac Miller… Oh, well, he’s from the great state of Pennsylvania. You know I won that state. They’ve got excellent taste.
“Big Girls Don’t Cry” – Frankie Valli
This one goes out to Crooked Hilary. Major loser. Bill should upgrade.
“You Can’t Always Get What You Want” – Rolling Stones
For all the haters and losers who didn’t vote for me. Listen to it. Memorize it. Sing it with me now:
You can’t always get what you want,
But if you try sometimes you just might find,
You just might find
You get what you need, which is President Trump.
Okay, I added the last part. This POTUS 45 remix is much, much better.
“Three Doors Down”
The greatest inauguration deserves the greatest headliner. Obama had Beyonce? Way overrated. 3 Doors Down is a huge band. Huge hits. Too many to name.
“Get Money” – Notorious B.I.G.
Fellow New Yorker. Met him years ago. Big man. Bigger than Rosie. Gave me the nickname Notorious B.I.G. Hands. Incredible song. Terrific message. Don’t appreciate the use of the “N” word. Nintendo. Bad company. Japan. China. Close enough.
“7th Element” – Vitas
A special “friend” shared this song with me. Not for everyone, but I love it. It washes over you like a warm shower. Don’t piss on it. It’s golden.