Photo: Julie Rideout (Getty Images)
When it comes to colors, men are a somewhat lost cause. Women seem to believe that we are only capable of discerning three basic colors (which is not true, because we also know about green), though the fact is that we simply don’t see the point of that classification. Yes, there are countless shades of blue out there, but it’s still blue, right? Anyways, whether you like it or not, you will have to deal with these indistinguishable hues once you get a child and need to buy those crayon colors. Just so that you don’t get completely confused when you hear some of the crayon names in the store, we’ll break them down for you.
Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown
First up is the Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown color that is something of a weird mix between brown and pink. Where does the name come from? It comes from a famous children song about a bear with no hair. Just imagine a shaved bear (for some reason) and you will get the Fuzzy Wuzzy color. The term Fuzzy Wuzzy was also made popular by British soldiers in the 19th century and immortalized in a poem by Rudyard Kipling, but that’s too much information, really.
You can argue whether the name Outrageous Orange is really appropriate for this color, but the fact is that Crayola decided to name it so. How would we describe it? Besides the obvious orange, we would say it is kind of like a dark orange color quite similar to the fruit. We could say that the color looks quite tasty, so you might want to refrain from buying it to your toddler. Maybe it’s called outrageous because kids keep eating it.
One of the hottest young actresses today is certainly Sienna Miller, but what does that have to do with crayons? Well, the Crayola company has a color they describe as Burnt Sienna. Of course, Sienna is actually some form of clay, but we like to think that it’s Sienna Miller’s skin color after she’s been sunbathing for quite a while. They also have a Raw Sienna, but that doesn’t look like her at all so we chose to ignore it.
Macaroni and Cheese
Another one of those tasty colors is certainly Macaroni and Cheese. How can you explain to your child that it shouldn’t eat crayons when one of them is literally named after many people’s favorite dish? The color itself looks like some pale orange so it’s probably useful for drawing skin. Or maybe you use pink for skin? We really don’t know – we suck at drawing. Now we have to go and make some Mac and Cheese.
Could Crayola also be making a political statement with one of their colors? Namely, one of that colors is called a Neon Carrot. This could be connected to the increasing number of laboratory-grown vegetables that are replacing traditional farms and messing with the foods’ structure. One day we might really start eating Neon Carrots. What color is it actually? It’s orange… Just simply orange.
It seems like this glowing food is a common theme for Crayola creative directors. It is said that Laser Lemon is actually a fluorescent yellow, but it’s crayon form really isn’t. It would be quite irresponsible to give children fluorescent colors to play with. Instead, the color is just annoyingly yellow. It looks like an annoying lemon (not the annoying orange, though). We’re really helping with these descriptions, aren’t we?
Inch worm is actually the name of a caterpillar of a certain moth called Geometer moth. Inch worms are cool little things that walk quite funny (they’re long and have only a couple of legs at the front and at the back). As you might even guess, the color of this inch worm is green – pale green. It’s something like a color of a leaf that isn’t doing all that well.
Robin Egg Blue
Unless you’re an obsessive Batman fan, you know that Robin is actually the name of a bird with a red (orange really) chest and somewhat plump look. Curiously enough, its eggs are actually light blue (some might call it navy blue, but not us). So, the next time you wander into a shop looking for a pale blue color for your toddler, just think of Batman’s childish sidekick and combine it with the eggs you had for breakfast.
This name is quite a mystery, but we like to think that it has something to do with pizza. Contrary to the name, we’d say that this color is actually more pink than purple, but we aren’t exactly experts on the matter. It’s pretty certain that this color is neither one of the primary or secondary colors. In fact, by combining these ones you get intermediate color (or tertiary colors). You see, you’re even learning something.
We’ll end the list with something that looks like it came out of the Game of Thrones. Timberwolf is something of a light gray color but, we admit it, Timberwolf sounds better. Keep one thing in mind, though. If you’re buying your child depressing gray colors to draw with, he might grow up to be a writer or, even worse, a movie director struggling to sell his extremely artistic and misunderstood movie his whole life. You don’t want that, do you?
You can now consider yourself a pro when it comes to crayon colors. Only a few people in the world can say that about themselves, so consider this a unique privilege. If you don’t have a child and you’re reading this article, stop for a second and ask yourself what you’re doing with your life. Write your favorite colors (?!) in the comment section below.