British Man Gets Dick Stuck In Ring, Eventually Needs Firefighters To Cut It Off

Sounds totally worth it.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
“Chopped blood sausage.” Photo: annick vanderschelden photography (Getty).

The next set of trucks outside of this guy’s apartment are probably going to be of the moving variety.

According to The Sun, some British dude who could no longer get his rocks off by watching two women with huge breasts scissor each other in the doctor’s office found himself in a hospital after his attempt to stick his twig and berries through a “sex aid” ring failed miserably.

British Man Gets Dick Stuck In Ring, Firefighters Cut It Off

The kinky SOB first put his penis through the ring, but that apparently wasn’t satisfying enough, so he decided to squeeze his grapes through as well. That turned out to be just as bad of a decision as you’d imagine. He then sat with his entire package jammed in this thing for several days, trying to cut the ring off himself before realizing he was going to have to bite the bullet and seek medical attention.

But it turned out that the doctors and nurses at King George Hospital outside of London couldn’t do anything for him either, so firefighters were called in to finally free the man from his sexual hell. To do so, they had to use “a metal cutter that is normally used to free people from crashed cars.”

Vaginas, dude. Do yourself a favor and look ’em up.

Fortunately, there are no pictures or footage of this disturbing turn of events, but here’s our best guess as to how it all probably went down (obviously replacing toenails with the guy’s marble sack).

man dick stuck ring

It’s a bomb! Oh wait, it’s just a penis ring. Carry on, people: Cock Ring Causes Bomb Scare In Germany