So Your Average Poo Takes 12 Seconds In Order To Protect You From Predators

Oh shit.

Bryan Brunatiby Bryan Brunati
Photo: Carlos Davila (Getty)

Finally, information you desperately needed, right?

Did you need to know that eating booger is good for you? Probably not. But now you can sound like the smartest a-hole in your group of friends. And speaking of a-hole, it seems that your average poop takes 12 seconds in order to protect you from predators. Thanks, nature!

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Regardless the size of the mammal, whether it be an elephant or a mouse, the average poop should take about 12 seconds. And that also applies to humans. At least that’s according to lead researcher Patricia Yang, who now gets to tell her parents she studies poop habits for a living.

“If it’s taking far longer than 12 seconds, I’d say you should go see someone about it,” Yang says. “But you can’t count the newspaper time.”

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So how was this research gathered? Well, Yang and her team watched  elephants, dog, warthogs and pandas take a shit before discovering the link between the mammals. And the findings says that “poo is covered in a layer of mucus that shortens the expulsion process.” Incredible.

Now get this: All animals, including humans, have a mucus layer inside the colon that allows it to pass through the system like a ‘sled sliding through a chute’. Yum. And why is this? Well Yang says, “The smell of body waste attracts predators, which is dangerous for animals. If they stay longer doing their thing, they’re exposing themselves and risking being discovered.”

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So there you have it, folks. Don’t stay longer that 12 seconds on the toilet or risk someone smelling your waste, breaking down the door and murdering you. Although, if you’re constipated that’s an entirely different story.

h/t Metro

Makes sense: Florida Men Are Apparently Smearing Their Own Poop On Pier Rails So Nobody Will Fish Next To Them