Malaysian Dude Gets Penis Stuck In Water Bottle While Trying To Piss In It Then Cuts Himself With Saw Trying To Get It Out

You're only supposed to get the urine inside there, buddy.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
Photo: WIN-Initiative/Neleman (Getty)

Remember when the only thing you would stick your penis into was a vagina?

Yeah, those days are over.

Seriously, if it’s not this guy sticking his yogurt slinger in a van or this guy jamming his ding dong inside his pit bull, then it’s this clown getting his boomstick caught between two magnets or this dude saying he got his ying yang stuck in a pipe after he slipped while painting.

Well, it’s apparently time to add getting your hog stuck in a water bottle to list.

That’s right, kids. According to the Daily Mail, a 21-year-old Malaysian man had to call firefighters to assist him on Friday after he got his dick stuck in the water bottle he was using to piss into and then cut himself with a metal saw while trying to free himself. The poor guy apparently couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time, so he decided to pee into the water bottle instead.

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Photo: Mydrim Jones

Unfortunately for the dude, nobody told him that you only put your piss in the bottle and not your pistol. He somehow got his pork sword inside, presumably because he’s Malaysian, and then turned to a metal saw when he couldn’t get the little guy out. That turned out to be about as bad of a decision as throwing your penis in a water bottle because he “ended up injuring his penis and causing it to bleed.”

After the firefighters were able to free him from his plastic hell, the man was transported to a local hospital, where he was listed in stable condition. His pride might still be in critical condition, though.

Also not a good place to put your pecker? You guessed it: through a wedding ring: Chinese Man Puts His Penis In Wedding Ring For Some Reason, Needs To Have It Surgically Removed