Dads With Obese Sons Are Freaking Out About How Small Their Penises Are

Awkward.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
Photo: BWFolsom (Getty)

My grandma used to make us run around in the backyard for a number of reasons, but I remember one of them being because she thought that “the bigger the belly, the smaller the schwanz.”

Well, it turns out she knew exactly what she was talking about.

According to The New York Times, a large number of doctors have experienced an influx of dads who are concerned about lack of promise below the belts of their fat sons.


One pediatric urologist at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia said he sees “dissatisfaction with the phallus very regularly.”

“With 10- to 11-year-old boys, a common thing is, my son’s penis is too short,” said Dr. Aseem Shukla, who is also an associate professor of urology at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania.

While most of the children who are brought in after the “newborn period” have twigs and berries that fall in the “normal range,” Shukla said as each kid’s waistline increases, so does the worry about whether or not he’s been shortchanged in the boomstick department.

“The penis can be buried in the fat pad that sits in front of the pubic bone, and it can remain hidden as boys go through adolescence. What is called a ‘hidden penis’ can be a combination of being prepubertal (so the penis has not begun to grow), being overweight (so the fat pad is significant), and in some cases an anatomical condition in which the soft tissue below the skin of the penis doesn’t adhere well to the Buck’s fascia, the thick covering that surrounds the penile nerves and arteries. This fixation problem can yield what Dr. Shukla described as a ‘slidey’ penis, in which the actual shaft retreats and only the skin, or the foreskin, in an uncircumcised boy, is clearly apparent.”

And there you have it. It’s not like we needed another reason to get our kids outside and active, but maybe the threat of waddling around with what is deemed a tiny pecker for the rest of your life is exactly what this country’s youth needs to get it back on a healthy track.

They don’t have this problem in Brazil: Which Country Has The Biggest Dicks In The World?