Moms Who Know How To Party

When moms go all out.

Noah Henryby Noah Henry

Motherhood requires traipsing along the thin line of friendship and authoritarianism. Some say friendship comes later in life, while others say “not on my watch.” The following mothers deserve some sort of award; I’m just not sure what that award is.

Mom Throws Naked Twister Party
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Rachel Lynn Lehnardt of Augusta, GA, is one bad Mormon. One night in April 2015, she did the unthinkable. After her 16-year-old daughter texted her asking if she could bring friends over to party, Lehnardt replied, “Come on, let’s party.” What ensued belongs in the Guinness books for Mormon indiscretion:

-Lehnardt played naked Twister with her son’s teenage friends
-She smoked weed and drank alcohol with them
-She had sex with an 18-year-old in the bathroom
-She came out of the bathroom and said she was “still horny,” commencing a full-on sex toy show in front of the frothing youngsters (unsure where her daughter was during all of this, but I don’t want to think about that)
-She got in the hot tub naked with them
-She had sex with her daughter’s 16-year-old boyfriend, keeping it in the family

In all, Lehnardt was sentenced to 12 months probation because the age of consent in the Peach State is 16. She only paid a $100 fine per drunken child. Although her daughter later defended her on Twitter, it’s unknown how she personally feels about the dildo show.

Mom Buys Stripper for 8-Year-Old Son’s Birthday

Some thought it child abuse; others thought it was swell. What do you think? On March 24, a video surfaced on YouTube of a stripper clad in pink butt-suffocating an eight-year-old’s face. The boy is seen tossing dollar-dollar-bills-y’all at her twerking body while his friends giggle in childlike glee. While the mother was never questioned by police, I’d like to ask her where I can find a “street worker” with such twerk-tastic moves. It all went down in Tampa, FL, as if that’s surprising to anyone.

Mom Buys Prostitute for Harvard-Bound Son
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Her virgin son. On July 16, 2013, a Philadelphia mom posted an ad on Craigslist requesting a hooker to turn her son from a “high school nerd to a cool college kid.” What the mother fails to realize is that approximately 99.9 percent of Harvard’s freshman class is composed of sexless nerds who need to study. The mother promised to make the prostitute’s “financial issues disappear” under the condition that she shows her 18-year-old virgin different sexual positions.

Stripper Bites Teen’s Nipple After Mom Throws Stripper Party
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It was young Reggie’s birthday. As you can see in the above photo, a stripper is straddling the 16-year-old’s head in an impressive acrobatic display.

In November 2012, Judy Viger of South Glen Falls, NY, hired what she thought were “bikini gram dancers” who would sing happy birthday in bathing suits. It turned into a full-fledged lap dance show. According to the official police report, one teen’s nipple was savagely bitten by a stripper doing the best she could. Viger was charged with five counts of unlawful generosity toward her son. In the end, she only received 50 hours of community service.

Mom Whoops Too Loudly at Graduation Ceremony, Gets Arrested
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Shannon Cooper was proud of her daughter’s graduation from South Carolina’s South Florence High School. As Iesha Cooper received her diploma on stage, audible WHOOP WHOOPs blared from one member of the audience. In an exclusive interview,Shannon explained the following to WPDE NewsChannel 15: “Are y’all serious? Are y’all for real? I mean, that’s what I’m thinking in my mind. I didn’t say anything. I was just like OK, I can’t fight the law.” Word. “How was I so disorderly, you know, any different from just a happy parent?”

Mom Tries to Save Son’s Life With Weed
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A savior or a criminal? We pose the question to you, dear reader. Kansas resident Shona Banda became somewhat of an icon in 2014 when she used cannabis oil to (successfully) treat her 11-year-old son, who had Crohn’s Disease. It worked, but when the boy mentioned during a drug-education class that his mother was a huge stoner, police raided her place and found enough pot to make Seth Rogen jealous. Banda now faces up to 30 years in prison. And, hold your tears, the state took away her son. (Kansas doesn’t like marijuana as much as Colorado.) To this day, Banda is fighting the law and trying to gain back custody of her son.

Mom and Daughter Throw Rager
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Mother Carolyn Weinand ALMOST pulled off a successful ruse. When police raided her Naples, FL, home and found dozens of teens getting hammered, Carolyn called the cops and explained that she was out of town, and to clear the house as they wish. Police searched through every nook and cranny and removed every young drunkard, until they went to the master bedroom — where they found the 56-year-old realtor hiding. Carolyn Weinand faced 26 counts of selling, giving or serving alcohol to a minor, just for being cool.

British Mother of the Decade Asks the World to Have Sex with Her Down Syndrome Son
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In 2009, mother-of-three Lucy Baxter made a plea on BBC for her son Otto to finally meet a mate. The 21-year-old aspiring actor hadn’t yet found love, and Lucy made it her mission to give that to him. “Why should these people be kept separate and pigeon-holed when they have the same emotions, desires and feelings as so-called normal people? … I’d like all my boys to find love and enjoy sex.” Amen.

Fast forward four years later to 2013 and guess what? Otto found a 22-year-old hottie who was also Down with the syndrome. When asked whether Otto was still a virgin he replied, “Mind your own business.” That’s a yes!

Louisville Mom Throws a Party 150-Strong
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Chummies of her 17-year-old son converged on her Louisville, KY, residence to create a block party that belongs in the plot of “American Pie.” Police arrived and smelled a pungent marijuana odor. Pulling a traditional mom trick, Lydia M. House came out of the house and told the cops that “she had just got home.” She was charged with engaging in an unlawful transaction with a minor, although she should’ve never made the news.

Senior Tries Shrooms for the First Time, Goes Viral

In February, a gray-haired Boomer consumed some psilocybin for the first time ever and aired it on YouTube. The mother of two wanted to try shrooms in hopes that it would “break bad habits,” and also to stop her from wanting to please people all the time. After 30 minutes, the quotes only pleased us…

-“It’s like a fire in my spine but I’m freezing.”
-“It feels like twitchy lights kinda pulsing.”
-“Hahahahahaha. I just saw you barbecue half your head.”
-“That tree actually has a face on it.”

One day later, the sweet old lady had zero regrets about the experience: “I reconnected with my real self … I got rid of a bunch of lies.” In the end, this early fungus gave her a brand new perspective on life.